if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
