Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
