I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
