can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
