First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize