I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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