he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
