Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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