I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
