So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
