he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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