tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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