if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize