remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
