Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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