Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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