Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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