Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
