I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
