I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
