All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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