sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
