I'm pants shitting drunk right now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
