My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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