HIV tests are more positive than that guy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
