Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
