we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
