I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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