??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
