White coat. Heels.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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