Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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