Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
