did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
