The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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