You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
