Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
