I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
