she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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