In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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