Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
