i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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