dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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