i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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