??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
