remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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