the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
