Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
