ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
