If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
