somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
