Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
