Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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