I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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