If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
