i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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