I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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