i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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