mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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