yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
