your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
