I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
