I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
