She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
