Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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