i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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