i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
