I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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