Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
