Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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