I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
