I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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