I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
