What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
