Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
