she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
