whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize