You can't special order awesome
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize