my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
