Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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