i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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