there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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