I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
